I believe most people confuse love with how they feel, so they assume that the things they want are what the other person wants as well. True love in its purest form, is about the other person. It’s important to understand this.
Most people claim to love their partners, but then go on to treat them badly. So the easiest way to make him think about you constantly, is to do things that are in his best interests.
Now to answer your question in more detail… I'm not sure if you can handle this superpower that I'm about to give you. I'll just trust that you won't abuse it. Deal? Great🙂
There are three things that men long for in their relationships:
- Peace
- Appreciation
- Ego boost
I. PEACE
After a long day of fighting bad guys, evil bosses and doing all sorts of good deeds to make the world a better place, he simply wants to retreat to a happy place. No drama, no judgement, just comfort and love. Don't add on to his woes by seeking someone to validate you, throwing endless accusations or giving him unnecessary attitude because he responded to your message 3 minutes late. If you have to ask for validation, appreciation etc. then what value does it hold? The great thing is that those things will come when you are his peace. He will reciprocate it.
More importantly, whenever he goes through something or has something to share, it becomes easier to come to you. Don't complain. Even about other people. Complaining often creates communication barriers and sets up a foundation for lies in the future. Think of it this way… if you're complaining about how lousy your workmate is, then do you think he will feel comfortable coming to you after hearing how mercilessly you were bashing someone else? He's bound to mess up at some point. We are all human, aren't we? Are you safe enough for him to run to you even at his weakest? I'm not talking about cheating… just the everyday stuff.
Most of the time we know when we've messed up. We are always our first and most harshest critic. It might not be visible on our faces or detectable in our tone, but we know. Trust me. So the last thing we need is someone else making us feel like more of a loser. It's even worse if that's coming from the one person who claims they love us the most. Yeah, he shouldn’t have spent that money. He forgot to collect the stuff you sent him to get at the store. He should have bought the non-meat version and not the beef one, but those aren't life or death things. Don't let your momentary frustration or anger drive a wedge between you two.
II. APPRECIATION AND GRATITUDE
I believe we all want to be appreciated. Oftentimes if you acknowledge someone's efforts, they will strive to do more and better. I remember an amazing girl I met some years back when I was in varsity. She had a way of thanking me even for the little things. That always made me think “Oh, you think that was great? Just wait till you see what I've got planned next”. So I would spend my time thinking of all sorts of ways to make her smile. At times it was for things as small as lending her my pen or helping her with an assignment. That made me want to out-do myself each time. She never asked, but she always thanked. The secret behind that, is the fact that her gratitude and appreciation was genuine.
III. EGO
With people going through so much stuff, it's important to constantly give each other reasons to feel good about ourselves. We all have insecurities and one of our greatest worries is being loved less especially for things beyond our control. Show him you're different. One of the easiest ways to do this is by giving him compliments. You have no idea how most men are deprived of those. What does he do well? Tell him how awesome he is at it. How about when he fails? Tell him he's still a winner in your eyes, he'll do better next time. The secret is to keep your compliments authentic. Don't lie or over exaggerate. That's suspicious. Making him feel good about himself also includes being the best version of yourself. The thing with guys is that we like it when people commend our partner. When people say how amazing they are. This can be in a number of ways, and these include:
• How you look-
Imagine how good he feels when you walk into the room and suddenly everything stops for a minute, heads turn and everyone stares at you. Then with the wind blowing in your hair like Beyoncè, you confidently walk into the room in slow motion and you head straight towards him. With everyone thinking “wow, lucky guy. He must be super rich or something”
• Your character and conduct-
how you carry yourself through certain situations plays a key part in also boosting his ego. Say you're having an affair with the guy at work or school. When he finds out, what hurts him more is not necessarily that you cheated, but how much he looked like a jerk bringing you flowers when everyone knew you were banging someone else. The key word here is “Exclusivity”. Once that is gone, a lot of things fizzle out. So while that might be an extreme case, the point is that your conduct shouldn't compromise his image. Don't do silly stuff like cheating with his friends. Yes, it's your life, but you asked the question, right? I'm sure you've heard phrases like “she's a keeper”, or “she's a real one.” That's what we're going for here
• How you handle your business-
we all want to be associated with success. So it's important to remember that you've got a life of your own. You have dreams, aspirations, goals and desires. Go after them. What is it that you love to do? Go out there and kick ass. Whatever it is… go out and be the best version of yourself. Who wouldn't want to be in the audience watching you win an award for that thing that you do… then they lean over to the person in the next seat and utter proudly, “that's my wife.”
Now with that said, it's important to understand that one of the things that make human beings and their relations unique, is FREE WILL. Even the Almighty Himself cannot force you to love Him, and He accepts you even when you reject Him. So if after a while, you find out this guy doesn't feel the same way about you, don't take it personally. Love isn't transactional. Just accept that, then dust yourself up and try again.
I hope you found this very helpful, and good luck on making him think about you constantly. All the best, and lots of love.
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