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The ultimate relationship test

How to test a new guy

In a previous article I outlined a number of truths that you should know about men. One of those truths was that you should not blindly believe everything he says to you. Just to clarify that even further... I am not saying treat him like a suspect all the time. I am just saying when he tells you he loves you, remember that these are just but words.... the true meaning will be found in his actions. Men by nature are marketers. We are all trying to get your attention and we will go to great lengths just to do this. So in this article, I will give you the ultimate relationship test to help you assess a new romance.


I remember this gorgeous girl I had a crush on back in high school. She was the sweet innocent church type. A beauty with sober habits, long black hair and dimples on her face.

On the other hand, I was an aspiring rapper. Keepin' it unnecessarily real, always getting wasted and I hadn't seen the inside of a church in years. I knew however, that to get her attention, I would have to put my "Moses" on and go hunting where the ducks were.

Soon I was attending scripture union meetings and at some point even requested a special prayer(to get the demons out of me). I eventually got on her radar and went on a date with her. We clicked and officially became a couple.

In a few weeks however, the real 'me' came out. I'm guessing she felt obliged to help my lost soul or that I needed help.... but the truth is, we were from two different worlds. I had known this from the beginning but had still gone on to portray myself as something else just to get her.

Those are the lengths at which we are willing to go just to get you. Most women fall into this trap, and then spend years trying to change someone who was never on the same page.

I know it sucks... and this might actually be you but there's always some good news with me... and that is:

There's a way for you to tell what's real and what's not.

Most relationships start off quite perfectly.... so much that, as you lie on your bed and gaze at the ceiling with your mind replaying the day's events, you can't help but say; 

"what a perfect day it was. This is indeed my one true love. Nothing could ever come between us."

Fast forward to a few months later and you're bickering and fighting like the last two enemies on earth. You're confused and wondering, "what on earth happened?"

Well, let me break it down to you.

"The ultimate test for any man is time"

What to expect

You can easily tell who's real or not if you simply take your time. We can only pretend for so long. Most of us start of as angels.... so expect that. Do not be misled into thinking this is it, during that period of flawlessness.

Give it time.

"What if he moves on?" you say...

Then that's your answer. You have your proof that he was just another deuche. If you take your time he will only get impatient and leave because he does not believe you are worth the wait. So let him go.

If he understands the fact that you are a true queen then he will wait without being asked to. It's a bit tricky if he knows what you've been up to.... Remember, it's a small world... and people talk hey. So If you gave it up to guy he knows so easily, then why should he have to wait? Is he more special than I am? Ridiculous I know... but there are some jerks out there.

The key is to stay true to yourself regardless what the past might be or how many children you might have.

The ones who cheat 'the wait'

Another thing to look out for, is the guy who checks in regularly. The one who disappears for about a month and then reminds you he's alive by checking to see if you're okay. What do you think he's been up to in those three or four weeks?

Remember, we know about your 90 day rules and the initial hard to get phase... we expect that.

The thing with such guys is that their game is long term. They have the patience but their willingness to wait does not make them legit. See if someone cares about you, their world will stop just for you. You will not be an afterthought that comes when he's had a fight with his 'other girlfriend'.


What to do while he waits

Once you clearly understand that you have to make him wait, the next thing to understand is how to handle him while he waits.

What if he gets tempted and cheats? Then good for you.... just let him go. He would have done it regardless. Do not accept the "you was't givin' it to me so I had to get it elsewhere." 

The perfect way to help you understand what you should do during the 'testing phase' is a dog on a leash. Give him enough room but do not let him wander too far. In simpler terms... keep him excited about you even as you withhold certain privileges from him. If your super powers allow, make him even forget that he's waiting. Be kind, spontaneous, flirt with him. Show him you're interested but that you are also principled.

The benefits of waiting

Making him wait not only helps you tell if he's real or not, but it also makes you a worthwhile "prize." Probably not the best choice of words but I hope it helps you understand what I mean.

He will also respect and trust you more because of how hard it was for him to get into your pants. Having to work towards you makes him appreciate you even more.

It also gives him this subtle assurance that any guy who wants to get to you has to go through the same trouble- and because he knows that not too many men have the patience to wait- it will be a plus in your favour. We all want to feel like we have something special.

How long should I make him wait?

I'm guessing you might be thinking "okay... make him wait... but for how long?" That probably depends on the intensity and level of your relationship. My suggestion is: 

wait till after your first fight... 

then you can decide whether he's even worth giving it to or not. You can also try the 90 day rule... but your first real fight will tell you. Do not pick a random fight... let it be genuine... remember, you're trying to figure out what he has bottled inside and whether he turns into the incredible hulk when he's angry. After watching a lot of rom-coms, we can also tell when we're being tested.

PS.When I say fight, I'm talking of verbal discourse not a physical altercation. A physical altercation is unacceptable.

The first fight will definitely shake things up. In most cases, it will make or break the relationship. 

Avoid making decisions under pressure or duress. A common mistake I've seen, is that in an effort to salvage the remains of a dying relationship, women end up making some unnecessary compromises. For example, if you had told yourself you would maintain the 90 day rule, then stick to that. Sex will not trick him into staying. It might make him stay a little longer, but if he's bound to leave then he will. Rather save it for someone who really deserves it.


Most relationships start of sweet and beautiful. This is great and should be cherished, but we should also try to think ahead.

Most men will go to great lengths to get the woman they want. This will include lies, fake tolerance and in many cases guys will portray themselves as something that they are not.

It is therefore important for women to guard against such characters. The surest way to unmask such men is through time. Which is why the 90 day rule is such a great idea. That's because 90 days is long enough to allow a person to reveal who they truly are. We can only pretend for so long.

Another great way to test any new relationship, is to hold off any major decisions until after you've had your first major fight. This usually happens after the third or 4th month. The first major dispute will show you whether he truly cares and it will also show you a hidden side.

Knowing this hidden side will help you understand whether you guys can make it work or not.

I hope you found these tips very helpful and that they will limit the number of jerks you get to entertain. I would also love to hear your comments as well.

Much love 


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