In my efforts to assist women I have met a number of women who generally describe themselves as full figured, big boned or 'fat'. Through my interaction with them and based on a friend's request, I feel there is a need to address them specifically. So this article will basically be my dating advice for big women, given from a male perspective.
It is the same advice I would give my own sister or nieces and thus I hope you will find it extremely helpful. As with everything, there are exceptions, so rather focus on what applies to you and use the rest to understand the male logic.
Firstly, there are a number of things that you should understand about how we view women as men and below is a list of a few truths:
1. Before anyone can love you the first person to love yourself should be you
2. The odds are against you.... because of 'media stereotypes', you are up against many much smaller well built women (but do not despair I’m writing this to put you on a level playing field)
3. The clothes that fit well on other smaller women might not fit well on you.
4. You are not less of a woman because of how you look
Before I go further I feel I must say this again, “He should be the one chasing you and not the other way round.”
So with that being said here goes…
LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOURSELF
The first person to love you should be you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made regardless of how you look. This means you should value yourself and hold yourself in high regard. Respect everyone, but have standards.DO NOT settle for less because you feel you’re not worthy. Do not tolerate, entertain or condone any mistreatment from men based on the way you look e.g. I have heard statements like “he was JUSTIFIED when he cheated because I am not his ideal type”.
That’s a plain ridiculous assumption and I have met a number of women who blame themselves for not being “good enough” for him when in actual fact it is the opposite that is true. Celebrate the way you look…. Your thick hips, beautiful bum and every curve on that body.
LET HIM GO
The next thing I would advise all my BIG friends to do is to stop being clingy. I have noticed that because they are not confident in themselves, some women become devastated when relationships end.Many even falsely believe they will never find anyone else to love them like the bastard who just broke their heart.
If he didn’t treat you right then simply let him go… when you become clingy you only validate a stereotype that most men have about BIG women. It’s a huge turn-off and it only makes you vulnerable to even more emotional abuse.
WORK ON YOUR SELF ESTEEM
Most big women tend to have issues with their self esteem and as a result may pass the “burden” of making them feel special to the men they meet.This can end up becoming a huge turn-off to a guy. Yes he has to make you feel special but remember that you are special because of who you are and not because of him.
He should be your pillar of strength but when he becomes the approver of everything that you do, you have given him unnecessary power which he could use devastatingly against you in the future.
I have heard some guys telling women “you will never find someone to love you like I do”. Despite that being a flat out lie, you have given him control over yourself self esteem. He is your chief validator. So, coming from him, those words could sound almost true.
KEEP SOME INSECURITIES TO YOURSELF
Most people tend to point out everything that is wrong with them as a way of “getting it out of the way”. I remember passing a compliment to some lady a while back and she began telling me everything that she felt was wrong with her… like her pot belly and drooping breasts and so on…It wasn’t an issue to me but when I realised it was an issue to her it then became exaggerated to me as well.
Some things can go unsaid. The fact that a guy is making an effort to court you should be enough to say he has looked past it. Yes you might have a large tummy, drooping breasts and all but I’m sure he saw past that.
DO NOT make him redirect his focus. What you should realize that is once you talk about it, you make him also comfortable enough to talk about it. So if you brutally attack yourself, you also give him room to do so. It often starts as a joke.
WEAR CLOTHES THAT COMPLIMENT YOUR BODY AND MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD
Predominant fashion trends may be tempting to follow but at times it may be wise to simply let it pass. The secret is to know your body and what makes it look good or not. Tight jeans may not be for you. Remember you have extra humps which the mannequin in the shop window does not have.Find clothing that makes you look great and feel comfortable… make use of a good mirror and do not take anyone’s dishonest word for it. In most cases your friends won’t tell you the truth in fear of hurting you so look in the mirror and if you don’t like how that dress looks on you then get one that looks good on you.
I’m sure everyone has their style and even you can find one that works for you.
NOTHING BEATS A PLEASANT PERSONALITY
If you watch chick flicks, the bully is usually either that snobbish pretty bitch or the “fat” chick. There are predominant stereotypes which exist about BIG women…. The underlying assumption is that they either have self esteem or other emotional issues.You might have developed it as a defence mechanism but the truth is that a pleasant personality will take you further than any defence shield could ever. Smile a lot more, mind the words you say and try as much to have fun. Keep a positive attitude and I guarantee you will attract a lot of male fans.
MAINTAIN YOUR STANDARDS
You might feel your options of men to date are very limited (and this may be true) and as a result you may be compromising a lot in your efforts to make them stay. For example it may be hard for you to hold off on sex or you may tolerate abuse.Do not simply give in because you think you are not good enough. This will only open you up to more abuse and creates cracks in your character. You may end up as a mere “go to” girl whenever he needs to satisfy his sexual urges and nothing more.
STOP TRYING TOO HARD
Not everyone on the planet is going to like you so stop trying to make them all happy by compromising yourself. If they do not like you then simply brush it off and move on with your life. People may say offensive things and some may do nasty things to you but do not let it phase you, simply ignore it, be your wonderful self and celebrate those who appreciate you.TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND STAY CLASSY
Your size might make you sweat a lot more than the average person and thus it is imperative that you practice good hygiene. You have to make sure your weight is not interpreted into sloppiness, which is often the case with your size.Stay clean all the time and make sure you always smell fresh. Groom yourself, treat yourself and spend time on yourself making sure you look great ALL the time. Pay extra attention to yourself and make sure you always STAY CLASSY.
To wrap it off on BIG women I will tell the story of the Notorious B.I.G. He wasn’t the most attractive man on the planet but he was always oozing with confidence and he believed in himself. He carried himself with swag and it is evident in his music that he saw him self as “Big Poppa”, a playa who was always having fun and the ladies loved. Take away the player part and carry yourself the way he did with confidence, self assurance and pride. He defined his own beauty and this had a contagious effect on the world in that instead of most people seeing him as some fat rapper he was seen as a flashy player that most men wanted to be like. It all came from the way he saw and spoke of himself.
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