I've watched helplessly as this whole, “men are dogs” theme gains popularity, and I honestly find it pretty offensive.
Not that I feel I deserve an exemption, but because it is the same people who say it, that keep constantly choosing those bastards and leaving the good guys in the friendzone.
Uhm... just for the record, let me say, good men do exist.
Though I might not be one of them myself; I have heard of them, I have seen some of them and in all honesty, I personally know some women who chose wisely and are genuinely happily in love.
Not the facebook type of romance, but that joy that makes someone glow. So much that it radiates even onto oblivious onlookers and inadvertently turns them into unwavering disciples of love.
A heartbroken friend of mine recently asked me where she could find a man without a wandering eye.
As a man, I instinctively felt the strong urge to argue that nature designed us that way (and this is an argument I can back up with ease).
At the same time, I felt her pain, the longing to love; that disappointed faith in romance and the constant reminders of betrayal echoing in her tone as she recalled once sweet memories.
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I am a strong believer in TRUE love and that it conquers all. So even though it may seem elusive, I have seen it, I have felt it and I can safely say, “it does exist”.
As I seek it myself, I hope this article will make a difference in your life... by helping you to easily spot the wolves.
Let’s get right into it.
1. Choose wisely (No coin tossing here)....
Don’t settle. A lot of women hear the word marriage and the network signal to their brains becomes scrambled. Do not be one of these.
Men will go to great lengths just to get you. This involves flaunting their possessions as well as a lot of lies and ommissions.
I know many guys who've thrown the word marriage around with no intention to follow through.
Look for the inner qualities that you desire, not the external. We know you’re suckers for shiny things. We’ve studied you long enough to know how you operate and we have figured out creative ways to trap you.
So be extra cautious. I know many men who will use the word marriage even if it's the last thing on their mind.
2. Time (Not your biological clock)...
Do not rush into things.
As you will notice, this is a recurring theme in my articles. I believe that given enough time, any deuchebag will blow their cover. Do not be pressured into making any hasty decisions.... and No. Two weeks or two months is not enough.
Save yourself the heartache by taking your time. Give him enough rope and let him hang himself by exposing the jerk he really is.
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3. Laziness (On your part not his)...
Most women say they want stability, but my opinion is that the majority do not understand what true 'stability' is.
In my opinion, stability is more about character and not necessarily about the financials.
Yes, you want the quick way out... but that road tends to end in a bitter divorce and a couple o’ kids that you’ll have to raise on your own.
Trust me; any man who is truly in love does not need motivation to get off his ass. He wants you to be happy and he will do anything for you.
So in the battle between character versus moolah, I’d say put your money on character. Choose the humour over the Hummer, the long term happiness instead of the quick-wedding. The hand-holding instead of the diamond ring.
Get yourself someone whose “COMPANY” you enjoy... ok wrong choice of words. I mean someone whose companionship you enjoy. That’s better hey.
4. Water seeks its own level...
Naturally most women seek Alpha males. I'm guessing, that's just how nature made it.
You enjoy being the arm candy and all, but the question is:
What is it that you bring to the table? When all eyes are on him, are you good enough for his picture? Or will he crop you out for a certain audience?
A classic example is my favourite power couple, Jay Z and Mrs Carter because they are well matched. Both are successful in their fields. Neither, has to feel like an accessory whilst the other steals the show. They shine together.
If u want high-class you then you've got to be high-class too. Be high class in your appearance, thinking, doing etc...
If you want the president... then be first lady material. Get it? The bait determines the catch.
5. Ego...
Like attracts like, but like often don’t get along with like.
It’s something I have learnt over time. Just because people seem so alike, does not mean they will click and get along.
The key is therefore to find a complimentary character, instead of an identical one. One of you has to take charge.
So if you’re an Alpha female, and you enjoy dominance, then get a man who is secure in himself and will not need to validate himself by exerting his authority on you.
Find a partner who has no qualms with watching and letting you shine. This one’s quite deep so I will explain it in my future articles.
6. Exhaustion- Any man will do...
In your quest for true love, you have kissed so many frogs. Its starting to scare you.
You're thinking, "Maybe there really is no such thing as 'Prince charming.'"
My advice is to stay strong, keep the faith and do not settle. Do not lower your standards or compromise on quality. Do not lose heart. Your knight in shining Armani is on his way.
At this point, most women lose hope and “settle” for the next man who fits the bill. So they simply go for the next guy who goes to church, doesn’t drink and seems interested in them. The big question is, "do you love him?"
Soon enough, as you watch him; asleep, mouth open, drooling, snoring on your matrimonial bed you’ll realise he just isn’t the one, and you will ask yourself, “What in the hell was I thinking?”
Do throw away that list you drew up in high school though.
7. Sex- Are you really that good?
Who runs the world? Girls.
Thanks to Beyonce for reminding you that you actually run the world, but a lot of women misunderstand their power. I've met several women who think sex solves it all. The truth is that it takes a lot of character, brains and good loving to keep a man.
Well, sex might help you get your way in the short run... but know this: A man will only sacrifice that which he can do without.
Here's an example:
He’s been acting strange of late, so you whip out that red number you bought last week. He loves it and for a while you think you have him eating from the palm of your hand. That’s only for 2 minutes.
If he was planning on dumping you, he might postpone it, but if he doesn’t love you anymore then your efforts are all in vain.
We aren’t as dumb as you think boo-boo. The only danger is you'll ending up as a mere booty-call, and which man doesn’t want that, hey?
8. But he said he loved me....
Yeah right!! Of course he did. The question is, did he mean it? I’m hoping you see where I’m going with this.... The answer is probably a big NO!!!
I always say to my female friends, "never take a man’s word seriously, especially when it is said before he unzips his pants". Listen to it, yes, but be very careful.
We are constant marketers and nothing beats the thrill of making a sale. Are you buying? That’s your choice.
I have seen women clinging onto men who clearly have no interest in them, based on some words that were said three months ago... before the lady lost her charm and allure.
So take your time. If it’s true, only time will tell, not his drinking buddies. Those bastards will vouch for him and lie to your face too.
9. Follow your gut
I would like to conclude this list by reminding you that God loves you so much and He designed you with an in-built defence mechanism against heartbreak.
Listen to that voice inside you. There is always a warning sign. Just keep your eyes open.
Ever noticed how easy it is to tell if your brother's new girlfriend is trouble?
Well it's the same thing with men. The signs are always there, but it's just sad that the last person to see it always seems to be you.
In conclusion
Love is a beautiful feeling, but it also causes a lot of pain. Men will go to great lengths to win over the woman they want. This involves flashing their worldly possessions and a lot of lies.
It is therefore important for women to get into relationships with a sober mind. They should prioritise the greater virtues and values instead of material things.
There are always warning signs. Many relationships are doomed from the start, but we are often too blind to notice. We should therefore pay more attention to our inner voice and make decisions guided by our intuition.
I hope you found this article helpful... and that you'll never have to face the pain and grief of heartache. So here's to your success and happiness.
Love.
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